Colonoscopy Comments

[erron]

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his

predominately male patients while he was performing their

colonoscopies:



1. "Take it easy Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before!"


2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"


3. "Can you hear me NOW?"


4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"


5. "You know in Arkansas we're now legally married."


6. "Any sign of the trapped miners Chief?"


7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."


8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"


9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"


10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."


11. "You used to be an executive at Enron didn't you?"


12. "God, Now I know why I am not gay."


And the best one of them all...


13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is in
fact not up there."

[looseplucker]

Except colonoscopies are done under a general anasthetic...

[Gringa Bows]

i had one 14 years ago,i was awake and watching it on a tv monitor weird stuff .........Rod

[looseplucker]

Wow - that must have been a trip - in more ways than one. These days you are out cold. Just as well. When some bloke I hardly know is delving where no man has gone before (except him, twice), and filming it - Unconscious is the only way.

[longbowinfected]

Not having had to take part in the fun yet........this is humurous???? Makes my eyes water.

Kevin

[Gringa Bows]

yeah it was wierd ,especially when they lazered the pollips that were in there

[rossy]

i used to have a old wog brickie on-site ( champion bloke and as funny as a barrel of monkeys),
Still remember the day he told me, he went for one.
" Dickie, i was not real confident with the first docs examination. So i sort a 2nd opinon".
Me thinking there may be a problem asks " Bugger mate, is everything alright? How'd ya go with the 2nd doc?".
To which he says " All good Dickie, i enjoyed it just as much the 2nd time , as i did the 1st"

Top bloke!!!......but strange

Dickie

[longbowinfected]

I found out the hard way during a major operation that I have a complete allergy to anaesthetics.....flatlined a few times and brought back one more than a few times.... then they had to revive me/reverse the chemicals then finish under locals....not nice waking up in the middle of an emergency.....yours. I was a very interested spectator.

Since then I only go to the doctor's once a year for a check up. Bloody dangerous places hospitals.

Kevin

[dawallace45]

My Colonoscopy last year went well , no problems and I was out cold , they also put rubber bands on my hemorrhoids while there which is another story but I do have a good story about my first Prostate exam
Some 8 or so years ago I was getting my prostate checked by my doctor who happened to be a pretty blond lady of about 35 , now as well as being my doctor I knew her socially and she was a customer of mine ,

Well laying on your side with no pants on and your knees pulled up to your chest with a pretty blonde's finger in your ring gear may be some ones idea of a good time but to me it was extremely embarrassing , so of course I work on the idea that if I'm embarrassed then I just make a joke of it , so I said " does this count as fore play " well she just cracked up , after she had regained her composure she started again , so there she is searching around like she's lost her car keys and I said " you know I don't think I've ever consciously thought I'd find my self in a situation like this but I think if I did I would have expected there to be kissing first " , well she just totally lost it , she was laughing so much there were tears running down her cheeks , now I don't know if any of you have ever noticed how some women when they laugh out loud put their hands up to cover their mouth , well I cured my doctor of it that day , so after she had changed her gloves and washed her face she said to me " please David , no more , you being a friend makes this just as hard for me as it does for you so if you can keep your mouth shut until I finish this it will be better for both of us " , well I did and we got it finished and as I was walking out her office she just broke down laughing again .

Of course the last time I had a prostate exam I'd actually went in for the blood test but the doctor asked how long it had been since the last time I'd had a proper test , I told him and he reckoned it was too long and to get up onto the table , now this doctor was about as big as me with hands equally as large and if any thing his fingers were a fair bit larger than mine , so there I am up on the table with this fat fingered doctor with his fat finger jammed up my date and he says " Now you can't tell me this isn't more fun than a blood test " , I was not a happy camper

David

[Gringa Bows]

you crack me up Davo,it's just as funny reading it now as it was when you told me here the other day

[longbowinfected]

The older we get the more fun things to look forward to.

Kevin

[hue]

hey Kev.

you should try it out when they do the top end and bottom end together - you don't know whether to dry wretch or projectile c... (if you're not "bound up", that is!) first or do both at the same time
Hue

[longbowinfected]

You win....versatile man.
Any pix????

Kevin