This is just a short yarn for anyone silly enough to go it alone when visting Australia. The year is 1993 an a Kiwi boy, Namly myself decides to finaly vist OZ.First off was to check out the fishing. A hire boat an my wife an I are off down the Hawkesbury River in NSW.Over the side goes the bait an instantly a fish is on,a short run and then nothing.I wind in an the hook is gone.Another bait,the same result ect,ect,ect.Well this wears thin real fast so I think about the long shanked hooks the nice guy in the fishing tackle shop talked me into while he licked his lips an kept an eye on me wallet.
Another bait goes over an we.re in luck.A silver fish around an lb is soon flapping about on the floor.Well this is a good looking critter,stream lined and with a powerfull looking jaw on him.A bit to small to keep so I remove the hook about to put him back.I,m just about to do the right thing when he kind of flips around an sinks his teath into my thumb mussle.After a short dose of panic that almost saw us both in the tide,I,m left with a ring of holes that looks like I had a beer bottle lid in my hand an someone hit it with a hammer. And blood lots of blood,flaming thing had been much bigger and it could have taken a peice out of me the size of a golf ball.
They call those things Taylor or choppers.You,ve been warned.
The following week I,m out with a fellow Kiwi who,s no smarter than me. We can call him Gray cause thats his name and he,s not likly to read this. This time we,re parked up under a bridge on the same river.I,m looking foward to seeing Gray get bit by a Taylor.No taylor this time but Gray pulls in this odd looking thing that looks like a cross between a cat fish and an eel.Probably why they call them Eel tailed cat fish.Well eels are nothing new to Kiwis so Gray just shakes it off and with a splash it,s gone.
Next up it,s my turn.another one but this time I want a closer look so I grab it. Maaaaaaaaaaaaate PAIN.lots an lots an lots of PAIN.Pain of the highest order.Pure uncut top of the line type pain.I,m flappin, about like the fish should be,just about in tears but Gray just sits there with a smile baiting up for another go.Well I,m not interested in fishing no more,just doing my best not to faint but Gray thinks I,m having him on,so he just carrys on.I reckon all the blood might of clued him up but Fishings Fishing so I just sit on my side of the boat wimpering to myself an praying for a bolt of lightning to finish me.
Then Gray gets another on,Hey I warned him.This time he,s not so lucky as the fish flips around he gets it in the palm.Now there are two Kiwis siting in a small boat crying for their mummys.By the time we get the boat back to the hire place it looks like somebody had their wrist cut.It took a few days to get over that one.
Eel tailed cat fish,They have three spines,Remember that.
Over the next few years I got bit or stabbed by another few neat Australian fish,but I,ll let you discover them for yourself,It,s more fun that way.After a while I got sick of being bit by fish so I introduce Gray to Bowhunting,After all I reckon I can run faster than him.
So now we,re hunting goats around Willow tree NSW.This time we have with us a guy called Curry, because he comes from INDIA an it makes sence.All three of us are walking up a trail when a big lizard about 1.5 meters long rushes out of the grass an up a tree.This is to much,never seen one of these things before.Man this place is great,just like a big zoo with no bars.Gray and I are talking about giving it a poke to see what it does, but Curry wants nothing to do with it.HaHa Chicken.So I give it a poke with me bow.WOW the thing goes nuts,it climbs up to my face hight leans out so it,s about two inchs from my nose an lets out a most blood curdling hiss right in me face.I think I saw it,s Tonsils.
After I get up off the ground,Which seemed like a pretty good place to go,I have a look around an both Gray and Curry are about a hundred meters away peeing them selfs with laughter. Hmmmm with mates like that,hey.
They call those things Goannas,Dont poke them with ya, bow.
After a couple of days Gray managed to take his first wild goat an Curry was never going to for reasons we won,t go into here,Oh ok he could,nt shoot to save himself,But he makes a mean curry so we forgive him.
On the last day the property owner drops in for a yarn an to drink all the beer.He tells us the property next door has wild cattle running on it,The owner lives in town and won,t mind if we shoot one as they make mustering a real Problem,chasing the men on horses ect.
This sounds like me,Gray do,snt take much convincing but curry wants nothing to do with it..That lads a worry.
Anyway we convince Curry to at lest come for the drive.He,s ok with that as long as he don,t have to get out of the 4x4 .The owner told us where to find the cattle, so we had no worrys spotting a lone red bull.He was around 4-5 hundred yards away so a plan was planned.Being we would sneak up an shoot him. To eazy,Yeah.
We are still about a hundred yards from him when he all of a sudden he picked up on us got up on to his toes,Then started troting side ways toward us.At about eighty yards he dropped down into a small gully,This put him out of sight,I looked at Gray an said run.There were no good trees close at hand and this is where I found out I can,t run faster than Gray.Ok we didn,t see that bull again,I don,t think he realised just how fast a pair of teriffied Kiwis can run.But don,t go near them ether,not unless you have a real good tree close at hand or I mate with a big gun.
Well I could go on but needless to say if you go there, an ya should,Go with the locals listen,learn,and you will have a good time.Just don,t touch anything.
Cheers JACK.
You really did get sacked from the OZ tourist board Jack, didn't you!!!
Erron
