Banned from Woolworths- Didn't like shopping there anyway.
Yesterday I was at my local Woolworths buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stone before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setters **** and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
I'm now banned from Woolworths.
Better watch what you ask retired people.
They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.
Better watch what you ask retired people.
Moderator: Moderators
Better watch what you ask retired people.
"And you must not stick for a groat or twelvepence more than another man would give, if it be a good bow.
For a good bow twice paid for, is better than an ill bow once broken. [Ascham]
“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” [Einstein]
I am old enough to make my own decisions....Just not young enough to remember what I decided!....
For a good bow twice paid for, is better than an ill bow once broken. [Ascham]
“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” [Einstein]
I am old enough to make my own decisions....Just not young enough to remember what I decided!....
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Gringa Bows
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Re: Better watch what you ask retired people.
Priceless!! could you come up with something bent to do with Whiskers next time that was a good laugh!
Politics is a game played by dishonest people to gain an unfair advantage!
Never under estimate the strength of a cornered coward.
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
http://www.bowmanstaxidermy.com.au
Never under estimate the strength of a cornered coward.
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
http://www.bowmanstaxidermy.com.au
Re: Better watch what you ask retired people.
A couple of great yarns I enjoyed both of them, thanks guys. Cheers Roadie.
Re: Better watch what you ask retired people.
enjoyed, another good one to tell at the mens shed...Re: Better watch what you ask retired people.
Mate that's sensational !
Re: Better watch what you ask retired people.
Good one Daryl 